If it's in my head it's coming out..
You don’t want to say your from Toxteth luv, people will get the wrong impression
— My first careers officer
I’m just getting started on this blogging stuff. I have always had too much to say…so I’m told, so I thought why not!
Today started off a little dark…and I’m not just talking about the sky here on the dark side (aka the Wirral).
For the past few days I have been feeling a little sorry for myself….so I knew I had to kick myself up the arse and sort my head out.
A year and a half ago I left a job I had done for 17 years, to become self employed. I had worked with some amazing people and some that made me want to drop kick them from the 7th floor of the building.
I miss the interactions I had with both sets of these people, each day. From knowing the most intimate details of my colleagues relationships to what they were having for tea later that night…even the time a colleague told me her husband had accidentally pissed on her whilst drunk looking for the bathroom (he worked on the next bank of desks from me, so each time I saw him in the kitchen I was sure I smelt piss). The truth is I missed it all.
My new life consist of managing a business where I am the Director (according to HMRC) Admin, union rep. (I have daily battles with myself on my workers rights..e.g I should be able to start work at 9am and finish at 9.30am, that sort of thing) first aider for when I trip over bastard bed sheets (more about this later) and mental first aider..which is probably required the most.
I suddenly felt what everyone is calling FOMO (which I had to Google as I thought someone was calling me some kind of swear word). I felt I was missing out on my old life and felt for the first time in my adult life, very lonely.
So…as had become my daily ritual I turn on the radio in the car on my morning drive to work . The local radio station has two presenters who run a quiz, which I fail at miserably each day. The two presenters seem to have a great relationship and try to put each other down at every opportunity…I feel at home and identify with this behaviour. Today I felt differently and started to drift back to memories when I had a desk, colleagues and had to practically ask to go to the toilet. Something struck me… I was in my car feeling sorry for myself, wondering if I had made a massive mistake leaving my secure job and missing the people I spent 7 hours a day with. Obviously Louis Capaldi came on the radio and the sad tone of his music made me feel even more sorry for myself. I found myself realising that for the first time in my life I have the freedom to choose what’s next, whether that be on the radio ( Leanne and Dave started to piss me off so it was time for some Snoop Dogg) My life as an employee since I was 16 years old had been spent being told what to do and when to do it….now I was able to make those choices. Choices like when to go to work, when to have my lunch and when to have a word with myself when I was acting like a complete tit.
So with snoop doggy dog or what ever the fuck his name is these days, playing..I decided to turn up the radio and started to realise how lucky I actually am, and that I may not be Kylie Jenner a so called self made Billionaire…BUT I could afford to go to Gregg’s for a VEGAN sausage roll even at 9.30 am without asking for permission. I felt like Mel Gibson and wanted to shout “Freeeeedoooommm” out of the window. I figured it out..I was no longer institutionalised.
As I pulled up at the lights to look at the giant screen that greets our visitors here in liverpool, I started to feel that fire in my belly again. This fire helped me to have the courage to call my boss into a room to tell her that I was leaving my job to pursue a career in something I knew fuck all about. The same fire that helps me deal with shit heads who think that they can take advantage of me because I’m a female in business.
Anyway with snoop dog playing, fire in my belly and my new found freedom…I decided to grab this day by the balls and “know myself” unfortunately I had to reign that in slightly as I nearly rear ended a BMW at the lights with all the excitement. This short sharp shock is exactly what I needed….I was alive and just needed to remember that…each day and be thankful for what I had . I had asked the universe for this…and I had to deal with the shit and the shine.
H x
This is an example post, originally published as part of Blogging University. Enroll in one of our ten programs, and start your blog right.
You’re going to publish a post today. Don’t worry about how your blog looks. Don’t worry if you haven’t given it a name yet, or you’re feeling overwhelmed. Just click the “New Post” button, and tell us why you’re here.
Why do this?
The post can be short or long, a personal intro to your life or a bloggy mission statement, a manifesto for the future or a simple outline of your the types of things you hope to publish.
To help you get started, here are a few questions:
You’re not locked into any of this; one of the wonderful things about blogs is how they constantly evolve as we learn, grow, and interact with one another — but it’s good to know where and why you started, and articulating your goals may just give you a few other post ideas.
Can’t think how to get started? Just write the first thing that pops into your head. Anne Lamott, author of a book on writing we love, says that you need to give yourself permission to write a “crappy first draft”. Anne makes a great point — just start writing, and worry about editing it later.
When you’re ready to publish, give your post three to five tags that describe your blog’s focus — writing, photography, fiction, parenting, food, cars, movies, sports, whatever. These tags will help others who care about your topics find you in the Reader. Make sure one of the tags is “zerotohero,” so other new bloggers can find you, too.
Honest Hayley